


where i go, when i go there

by funkyfresh



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, spring awakening - Freeform, they're theatre nerds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-01 19:14:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17873189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkyfresh/pseuds/funkyfresh
Summary: Starting a new school was never going to be easy for Joe... maybe auditioning for the musical will help him make some friends?





	1. no more memory anymore

pastrami: hey you’re all auditioning tomorrow right?

benny boy: maybe

gwillyyy: hells yeah

benny boy: what even is the show  


pastrami: spring awakening

benny boy: never heard of it

benny boy: i don’t even like theatre that much why do i have to the dumb school show

pastrami: come on it’ll be fun

gwillyyy: it’s literally about sex

benny boy: fine i’ll do it

\---

“Last warning, young man. I’m not kidding, you can’t miss the bus!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Joe muttered as he clamoured downstairs, his backpack slung over his shoulder. His brand new shoes were still a pristine white as they hit the hardwood. He had bought them especially for today. For the first day of school. 

A new school in a new town with new people. Three things that made Joe feel sick to his stomach. Almost too sick to eat breakfast, but he sat down at the table anyway. Mary sat across from him, her dress ironed to perfection. She didn’t look nervous. His sister was never nervous. His brother was a little less put-together, shoveling cereal into his mouth as he watched cartoons on the living room TV out of the corner of his eye. 

“Waffles or toast?” His mother wiped her hand on her pajama shirt as she set a glass of orange juice in front of Joe.

“Toast,” he replied mundanely, taking a sip. 

His mother scanned his expression as she brought him a plate. “You okay?”

“Just tired,” Joe muttered. Which wasn’t technically a lie. He had barely slept, the questions spinning in his mind, keeping him awake into the early morning. But those questions were still the thing keeping him from focusing.

His mother knew. Starting a new school in the middle of senior year would be hard on any kid, but it was even tougher on a boy like Joe. Someone who never truly fit in, someone prone to hiding himself, someone who could so easily slip into a facade and slave to impress. He wasn’t confident. He wasn’t outgoing. He was overlookable.

“You’re going to be fine, honey.”

She rested a hand on his shoulder, feeling him take a deep breath, savoring those words and trying his best to believe them. 

“You’ll make some friends in no time.”

\---

“Joseph Mazzello?”

“Here. And, uh- I go by Joe.”

“Got it. Welcome to Summit, by the way. I’m Mr. Kelley.”

“Thanks,” Joe mumbled. Pointing out that he was new to the entire class? Perfect. Exactly what he needed. This was the fourth class of the day and he had already been called out for putting his backpack in the wrong spot, trying to open the wrong locker, getting lost on the way to the bathroom, and he had suffered through having to tell every teacher that he went by Joe. However, the most dreaded part of the day had yet to arrive. Lunch. He would stick out like a sore thumb, sitting by himself, eating the meal that his mom packed against his will. But for now, all he could do was focus on the teacher. 

“Alright folks, we’re going to pick up where we left off last week with the Cultural Revolution, but first, we have a fresh face in the class.”

Joe felt eyes on him and his heart shuttered to a halt. 

“Joseph, would you like to come up here and tell the group a little bit about yourself?”

He shook his head ever so slightly once he mustered the stamina to move. “N-No, that’s… It’s oka-”

“Oh, get up here,” the teacher urged with a chuckle. Joe laughed too, but he felt more like crying. Nothing was going as planned. He got up from his desk and made his way to the front of the room. He felt like he was walking in place until he saw the rest of his peers laid out in front of him. Staring at him. 

Joe looked to the teacher. “What did you…?”

“Just tell us a little bit about yourself. Whatever you want us to know.”

“Okay.” This is so not okay. But he put on a happy face and launched into the schpeal he had rehearsed the night before just in case. “Well, my name’s Joe, I just moved here from Ashford, Alabama, uh…”

The speech left his mind.

“Um… I have a younger brother…? And an older sister. A-And a dog… named Roxy.”

He didn’t know what else to say. 

Mr. Kelley smiled at him. “Any hobbies? Interests? Obsessions of questionable legality?”

Joe chuckled. “Um… I like music. I play guitar and, uh... I sing. Not very well, but… it’s fun, so- so yeah.”

Mr. Kelley nodded. “Cool beans. Alright, have a seat. And I expect all of you-” He gestured to the class, “to make James feel completely at home here at Summit.”

“Joe,” a voice from the back of the class corrected him. 

The teacher nodded. “Right. Thank you, Gwilym. Now, back to the Cultural Revolution. Can anyone tell me what they remember about Mao Zedong’s ideals and priorities for China? We know that th…”

Joe completely zoned out. How many times had he hesitated? Looked at the ground? Questioned himself? Made mountains out of molehills and a mediocre first impression?

He took half hearted notes for the rest of the class.


	2. only men on distant ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gang of three becomes a gang of four.

benny boy: do we need to prep anything for the audition

gwillyyy: nah

pastrami: lucy's walking over to my locker

pastrami: holy fuck what do i do

benny boy: chill dude

gwillyyy: tell her she looks nice or something

pastrami: but she always looks nice

benny boy: he's hopeless

gwillyyy: completely

pastrami: guys i'm right here

\---

 

If time flies when you’re having fun, Joe must have had some kind of Communist China fetish. Before he knew it, the bell was ringing and the class was over.

And it was time for lunch. 

Joe picked up his backpack, muttered a ‘thank you, have a nice day’ to the teacher, and headed to the cafeteria. His headphones and Alchemy by Richard Lloyd made the walk a short one, letting him practically run into the door. He slipped in with a stream of students and immediately started scanning the room for an empty seat. A brief respite between bustling teenagers revealed an empty table in the corner. Next to the trash cans. Joe made a beeline for it, dropping his stuff on the seat next to him. He pulled his lunch out of his backpack and settled in. A ham sandwich. A Sprite that he was scared to open for fear of it having been shaken up. A cheese stick. An apple. A note that was ever so slightly crumpled, reading ‘Hope you’re having a great day!’ in his mother’s handwriting. 

He wasn’t. But he was sorry to disappoint.

\---

“That’s it?” Ben questioned Rami’s story with a mouth full of pizza.

Rami shrugged. “Yeah, that’s it, but doesn’t that mean something?”

Gwilym’s tray hit the table with a clatter as he sat down. “What?”

Ben sighed and turned to him. “Rami thinks that Lucy asking if he was auditioning for the musical means that she’s totally... into him or something.”

“You had to be there!” Rami sat up. “The hope in her eyes! She wants to be the Wendla to my Melchior.” 

Ben rolled his eyes. “What makes you think you’re even going to get a part?”

Rami gave ben an incredulous look. “Have you seen the talent pool at this school? Unless you think couldn’t-hold-a-pitch-if-he-had-a-gun-to-his-head Danny is going to get the part.”

“What about me? Couldn’t I beat you out?” Gwilym stared Rami down as he took a bite of his macaroni. “Or Ben? Ben, are you even auditioning?”

But Ben wasn’t listening. He was staring at a kid. A kid sitting all alone. “Who’s that?”

Gwilym followed his gaze and nodded. “Oh, that’s Joe. He’s in my World History class. He’s new.”

Ben hummed in response, still looking at him. “I feel kinda bad that he’s sitting by himself.”

Gwilym gave Ben a playful whack on the arm as he stood up. “Come on,” he ushered as he began to make his way to the trash cans. He and Ben approached Joe’s table warily, almost as if they were afraid of scaring him off. 

“Hey… Joe, right?” Gwilym began. Joe looked up. “From World History? You probably don’t remember.”

Joe nodded. “No, I… yeah- hi…”

“I’m Ben.”

“Nice to meet you,” Joe politely added, smiling ever so slightly at the boys.

Gwilym continued. “We saw you sitting by yourself and… we were wondering if you’d like to come and sit with us.”

Joe’s face lit up. He tried hard not to smile, to act too eager or excited. He tried to stay nonchalant. “Y-Yeah, I guess. Sure.”

Ben nodded with a grin. “Cool.” He turned to head back to the table, Gwilym and Joe following soon after. Although he sauntered across the room with his usual calm, cool, and collected vibe, Ben was repressing some kind of inner smile. Joe seemed sweet.

The group took their seats at the table once again, joining the rest of the gang. 

“Joe,” Gwilym said as he sat down, “this is Rami.”

“Nice to meet you,” Rami nodded, extending a hand. Joe smiled and shook it as he took his seat next to Ben. Gwilym sat back down next to Rami and began finishing his lunch. 

Rami rested his chin in his hand. “Ben, you never answered the question. Are you auditioning or not?”

Joe sat up. “Auditioning for what?” He had been a part of school shows in his old town and thought that joining some kind of club would be a good way to make some friends– this could be his way in.

“The musical,” Gwilym answered. “You should audition too, Joe! You said you like music.”

Joe nodded, smiling. “Yeah, yeah… maybe I will. What’s the show?”

“Spring Awakening,” Rami told him, unscrewing the top of his water bottle. 

Joe furrowed his brow. “At a high school?”

Rami shrugged. “I guess they’ll make it work. I mean, there’s a lot of roles and I guess that’s why they picked it, but they might have to dilute the whole… uh… having sex on stage thing.”

“You won’t be saying that when it’s you and Lucy as Wendla and Melchior,” Gwilym muttered with a chuckle. 

Rami smacked his arm. “Shut up,” he said, grinning.

\---

Joe began to gather his stuff as the bell rang for his next class. He said his goodbyes to Rami and Gwilym as they headed upstairs, but Ben lingered behind. He leaned against the wall as he waited for Joe to pack his lunch away. 

“Where you headed?”

Joe looked up, slightly startled. He pulled his schedule from his pocket. “Um… Foods Two.”

Ben smiled. “Same! Nice of them not to put you in Foods One with all of the freshman. Wanna walk together?”

Joe nodded, smiling. “Sure, thanks…”

“Ben.”

“Right. Sorry. Ben.” Joe corrected himself as he slung his backpack onto his shoulders. Ben grabbed his own bag and headed towards the door. Joe followed him closely, completely unsure of where he was going. As it turned out, the classroom was only a few halls down, but pleasant conversation with Ben made Joe wish it farther away.

“So, uh… what exactly is this class?” Joe looked around the hall, taking it all in as he made small talk. “They just put it on my schedule, I didn’t pick it or anything.”

Ben chuckled. “Uh, it’s just cooking. I forget what we’re making today, but we’re working on knife skills. Try not to cut your finger off on the first day.” He pushed the door open and held it for Joe, who graciously entered the classroom.

Chairs lined one wall of the kitchen. Ben led Joe to the left side, setting his stuff down and taking a seat. “Sit over here,” Ben ushered, patting the seat next to himself. “That way you’ll be in my group. Orange kitchen. The superior team.” 

Joe laughed quietly, looking around. The countertops formed four different sections with color-coded appliances and aprons. He spotted the orange kitchen and nodded as he sat down.

An energetic older woman strolled into the room. “Hey, class! Just one second and we’ll get started.” She dipped behind a large kitchen island and rifled around. 

“That’s Mrs. Mattae,” Ben said. “If you’re nice and follow directions, you’ll have her in the palm of your hand.

Joe nodded. “Good to know.”

As if on cue, she walked out in front of the class. “Alright, let’s get started. We’ve got a new face in here. Everybody say hello to Joe. Hey, that rhymed!”

The class mumbled various greetings as the teacher marked something on her attendance list. “Joe, looks like you’ll be joining the orange kitchen. Today, we’re making guacamole.” She turned to the board and began outlining the recipe and procedures for the class. Once they knew what they were doing, she set them free. Ben ushered Joe over to their assigned counter.

Joe remembered his Consumer Science class at his old school; a clique of annoying kids completely excluding him. He followed Ben to the kitchen, ready for the same thing to happen yet again. 

He was immediately proven wrong. 

“You wanna mash these up?” Ben held out two avocados to his newfound friend.

Joe smiled. “Sure.” He pulled out a cutting board and got to work.


	3. the women with them swimming with them to shore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're getting to know each other;))

Ben took charge of the onions, mincing them with ease as the other kids divided up the tomatoes, peppers, and seasonings. A girl who introduced herself as Priya sprinkled the cilantro and pepper into Joe’s avocados as the rest of the group, whom Ben identified as Allen and Aaron, finished up their chopping. 

“Presentation is just as important as taste,” Ben noted as he gingerly scooped the guacamole onto a plate and garnished it with chips the class had made the day before. Joe nodded, observing as Ben made as pretty a picture as he could of smashed-up vegetables. 

After getting the approval of the teacher, Ben brought the plate back over to the orange kitchen. “All good, we can dig in.” 

The group celebrated as they headed back to the chairs. Ben sat down next to Joe and offered him the plate. Smiling, Joe took a chip and scooped up the fruits of their labor. As the plate was passed down, Joe tried to think of a conversation starter. 

“So… oh, are you going to audition for the musical today?” Joe looked over at Ben, who shrugged. 

“Maybe,” he offered. “Are you?”

Joe nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I feel like joining a club will be good for me, you know? To, like… make friends and stuff.”

“Well, if you’re going to do it, then… maybe I will too,” Ben said, looking over at Joe. 

Joe smiled. “Cool.”

\---

“Joe! Over here!” Gwilym waved the new kid over to where he, Rami, and Ben were sitting.

Joe made his way across the auditorium to join them, checking the time. Ten minutes until auditions started. He didn’t know what he would have to do. He had a song semi-under his belt and a monologue from camp last summer that he was pretty sure he still remembered, but he didn’t have his heart set on a big role anyway. He had gotten big parts at his old school, Jack in Into The Woods, Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors, but now he was only in it for the people. He just wanted to make some friends. 

He smiled as he took a seat next to Rami, who was drinking tea like it was his full-time job. 

“Give it a rest, Malek,” Ben chuckled. “You’re gonna do great.”

“Do you want my voice to crack?”

“How many thermoses of tea have you had today?”

“Not enough!” He resumed his furious chugging. Joe laughed, sinking back in his chair. 

He looked around the auditorium at the students. Nobody appeared nervous or to be preparing very intensely. Except for Rami, of course, who was dead-set on getting the lead. 

“What are the parts anyway?” Joe sat up, looking at the rest of the group.

Gwilym pulled out his phone and handed it to Joe. “Here’s the email the director sent out this weekend.”

\---

Students- 

Thank you for your interest in this year’s school musical, Spring Awakening. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, a brief summary would include teenagers in 19th century Germany discovering their sexualities. Yes, it’s a little bit intense for a school, but we will be diluting some of the language and subject matter while preserving the folk-rock score that I’m sure you’ll all love. 

Although ensemble roles will also be assigned, here are the main characters:

Guys:  
Melchior Gabor: Headstrong, handsome, and charismatic. He knows much more than the others because of what he reads in books and is able to see the corruption in society. He very well could have risen to the top of his class, but instead rejects his school's hard regime and rebels against it.  
Moritz Stiefel: Intense and nervous. Melchior's best friend. He feels intense pressure from his parents and his peers to succeed, and he frequently struggles in school.  
Hänschen Rilow: A humorous, intelligent and narcissistic classmate of Melchior. Comfortable with his sexuality, he is Ernst's love interest.  
Ernst Röbel: A sweet classmate. He is Hänschen's love interest.

Girls:  
Wendla Bergmann: A naive young girl who has limited knowledge about adult issues, causing her to have trouble understanding things such as sexual attraction, her friend Martha's abuse, and pregnancy. She tends to learn these things by experiencing them. She is a childhood friend of the boys and is the best friend of Thea. She has a sexual relationship with Melchior.  
Ilse Neumann: Another childhood friend who runs away from an abusive home to live in an artists' colony. She is somewhat less connected to the main story than the other children, as she doesn't appear in multiple group numbers. Ilse is used almost symbolically in many scenes. To Martha, she is a warning of what may happen if she speaks out. To Moritz, she is hope and the last chance for him.  
Martha Bessell: A friend of Wendla's who is abused by her father, the worst evidence of which she hides from others. She has a crush on Moritz and is chastised by the other girls for it. It is also implied that Ilse was like Martha, prior to her escape to the artists' colony.

I hope to see you all at auditions, which will be after school on Monday in the auditorium. Be prepared to sing a song of your choice and to do some cold reading with a partner. 

Best of luck!  
Mrs. Das  
\---

Joe finished reading and gave his phone back to Gwilym. “Looks like we have to sing.”

“You’ll be fine,” Gwilym assured him. “You’ll be better than me, anyway.”

Ben groaned. “Shut the fuck up, you’re literally insanely good.”

Gwilym shrugged. Ben looked at Joe. “He’s literally insanely good. But you’re gonna be better anyway.”

Joe chuckled. “Thanks,” he said, pulling out his phone and finding the instrumental track for his go-to audition song.

\---

Mrs. Das took the stage after a particularly questionable audition from a kid that Joe had never seen. 

“Uh… great work, Danny. Next, may I have Benjamin Hardy?”

Ben got up and headed for the stage as scattered applause followed. Joe sat up in his chair, having wondered all day if Ben was any good. 

Ben nodded at the tech kid, who started the music. As the peppy introduction played, he really got into character and began to sing when his cue arrived. 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kESn4BeBGrI)

“Everybody says don’t. Everybody says don’t. Everybody says don’t, it isn’t right. Don’t, it isn’t nice…”

Joe was speechless. Just one line into the song, Everybody Says Don’t from Anyone Can Whistle, and Ben had already wowed the audience. His pitch was perfect, his tone was flawless, and Joe felt a smile spreading across his face as he watched his newfound friend’s talent. 

Ben sang the first 32 bars as instructed, then took his bow to wild applause. 

“You’re insane!” Joe laughed as Ben took his seat. “That was incredible!” 

Ben smiled. “Thanks, I’m sure you’ll be great too, mate.”

Joe chuckled. “Not after that, I won’t be. The bar has been set.”

The director called their attention back with the clearing of her throat. “Next, may I please have a... Joseph Mazzello?”

Joe stood up as his friends cheered. He felt his face redden as he walked over to the tech kids in the front row, helping them find his track. He then made his way onto the stage, Gwilym, Ben, and Rami still rallying and shouting his name. As the music started, they quieted down, leaving Joe in silence onstage. He took a deep breath and began to sing. 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4HGSE2dd9Y)

“I like taxis, I like trains, I like Brooklyn when it rains, but I love Betsy…”

Ben smiled as Joe really got into the song. He was good. Really good. And as he finished his cut, he was greeted with the same applause that Ben was– maybe even more. 

“I’m offended by your talent,” Gwilym said as Joe sat back down. 

Ben leaned over to him as he got comfy. “Holy shit, man. Seriously, that was incredible.”

“Thanks,” Joe replied quietly, trying not to smile. He wasn’t even happy that his audition had gone well, he was happy that Ben wanted to be his friend


	4. where i go, when i go there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why is joe so draw to ben anyway?

“Do you guys want to come chill at my place?” Rami led the pack down the sidewalk as they made their way out of the school.

Gwilym nodded, not looking up from his phone. “I’m down.”

“Sure,” Ben added, looking over at Joe. “You?”

Joe smiled. “Yeah, I probably can,” he said, still not believing that he’d clicked with these boys so fast. Rami was inviting him over, Gwilym has asked for his Snapchat after auditions, and Ben… Joe didn’t really know why he was hanging out with Ben. After all, the most buff and handsome, not to mention sweetest, guy in school isn’t normally the one to hang with the loser new kid. 

“Yeah, my mom’s not home… so you guys could stay late and we could wait up for the cast list,” Rami added. 

Gwilym laughed, putting his phone into his pocket as they walked. “Wow, Malek, for a second there I thought you were going to say something cool.”

Rami stuck his tongue out at Gwilym and as they picked up a conversation while walking ahead of the group, Joe and Ben were left side by side. 

They walked in silence for a while. It wasn’t awkward or anything, it was just a content state of stillness. Joe didn’t want to look over at Ben, but he could feel his smile radiate through the crisp afternoon air. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous. He didn’t know if it was nerves at all. But he felt something fluttering in his chest and didn’t know if it was good or bad.

“You were really great back there,” Ben said, breaking the silence.

Joe looked over at him. “Thanks, that… that really means a lot.”

“Well, it’s true!” Ben chuckled. “You’re going to get a part for sure.”

“You too,” Joe added. “Honestly, you’re really talented.”

Ben smiled, eyes on his feet as they hit the pavement. “Thanks. Nobody really ever says that to me.”

Joe’s brow furrowed. “Why not? You’re incredible! There must b-”

“My mom hates it when I go out for the musicals,” Ben explained, cutting him off. “I stopped playing football last year to audition and she had a shit fit,” he chuckled. 

“Oh,” Joe nodded. “Well… that sucks. Because you’re really good.”

Ben grinned at Joe’s clunky attempt at conversation. “Well… you’re really nice.”

“Wh- You too!” Joe was surprised that Ben had even said that. “You’re the nice one, oh my god!”

“What did I do?” Ben laughed. 

Joe smiled, looking at the pavement. “I don’t know, I was just expecting to be friendless again when I moved here.”

“Again?” Ben looked over at Joe.

Joe cringed internally, feeling his stomach sink. Ben was about to think he was a freak. “It’s not important. Forget I even said anyth-”

“It’s important to me, Joe.”

He looked over at Ben. What had he done to deserve this? What saint-worthy deed had he accidentally engaged in to deserve a friend like Ben?

“Joe, you can tell me stuff. It’s locked up if you do, I promise.”

“Yeah…” Joe ran his hand through his hair before shoving his fists into the pockets of his jacket. “I mean… I don’t know, I just didn’t really have many friends at my old school. Or at least not real ones.”

Ben stayed quiet for a moment before hesitantly speaking. “Well… that’s rough, what happened?”

“I don’t really want to tell you about it,” Joe quickly replied before realizing how it sounded. “I’m sorry, that was rude, I just mean that I don’t wa-”

“It’s all good, man,” Ben chuckled. “If it’s that big of a deal, you tell me when you’re ready. But I’m always here to talk if you want. Did I give you my number?”

“No, but you don’t ha-”

“Here, let me do that.” Ben held out his hand and Joe smiled as he pulled out his cellphone. And it was only as Ben was adding his information into Joe’s contacts that the new kid in town realized why he was so drawn to Ben. 

Shit. 

He had a crush.


	5. no more whispering anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lets get this show on the road

“Guys!” Rami sat up from his spot on the living room floor, eyes glued to his phone. “Guys, I just got an email from Mrs. Das.” He looked at his friends. “It’s the cast list.”

Gwilym turned away from the TV and grinned. “Open it!” 

Ben looked up from his phone where he had been showing Joe all of his saved memes. “What are you waiting for?”

Rami closed his eyes dramatically. “What if I didn’t get Melchior?”

Gwilym groaned. “Shut the hell up and open the bloody email.”

Rami chuckled and clicked on it. He took a deep breath and read it aloud to the rest of the boys. “Students. Thank you all for auditioning. You all did a wonderful job and it was truly difficult to cut it down, but here is the cast list!”

Joe sat up as Rami began to read the names with as much expression and suspense as possible. 

“Melchior Gabor…” Rami’s face fell for a moment before he smiled ever so slightly. “Gwilym Lee.”

Gwilym smiled bashfully. “Aw, I’m sorry, Rami. I know you really wanted that part.”

Rami patted Gwilym on the back. “It’s cool. You’re gonna kill it.”

“Congratulations,” Joe said with a smile. 

Rami chuckled. “Let me finish. Moritz Stiefel… Hey, Rami Malek!”

“Hell yes!” Ben playfully punched Rami’s shoulder. 

“You’re gonna be so great, man,” Gwilym grinned. 

“I can’t wait to see you with that wig,” Joe added, getting a laugh. 

Rami chuckled and went on. “Hänschen Rilow… our very own… Benjamin Hardy!”

“Ben, holy fuck!” Gwilym slapped his knee with a grin. “Kill it, mate.”

Ben chuckled and ultimately laughed when he saw the smile on Joe’s face. 

“You’re literally going to be so good,” Joe insisted. 

Ben grinned. “You’ll be better.”

Joe scoffed with a laugh. “Yep, as Tree Number Three or something.”

“Not so fast,” Rami said, eyes fixed on his phone. “Ernst Röbel… Joseph Mazzello.”

“Yes, Joe!” Gwilym mussed his new friend’s hair in excitement. 

Ben grinned, grabbing Joe’s shoulder. “What did I say?”

“That I would get a part for sure,” Joe said through laughter as he felt his face get red. He did it. Although a big part wasn’t what he had been going for, he was definitely excited. 

Especially to be playing Ben’s love interest.

“Shit, I’m pumped,” Rami sighed, flopping back onto the carpet to scroll through the rest of the list. “Gwil, let's see. You get to stage-fuck… Priya.”

Gwilym shrugged. “Could be worse. Who’s your Ilse?”

“Uh…” Rami searched for a moment before he shot back up. “It’s Lucy,” he said quietly with a smile, looking at his friends. 

“Nice,” Ben breathed with a grin. He knew how much Rami had been hoping to work with Lucy in a romantic sense. He was hoping that it might jumpstart some kind of actual feeling between them. This was his chance. 

“Fuck yes,” Rami laughed, returning once again to laying on the floor.

Ben sighed happily. “Everyone good?”

“Yes,” Rami replied, still in a daze.

“Yeah,” Gwilym added, still not believing that he had gotten the lead. 

“Yep,” Joe said quietly, utterly confused and happy. 

\---

Joe walked in the door of his brand new house. The living room was still pretty empty with nothing but a couch up against one wall and a cardboard box with some cups on top as a coffee table. He flopped down on the sofa, setting his bag next to him. It was only then that he realized how tired he was. He checked the time. 10:17 pm. He sat up, looking around, ready for his mom to scold him.

“Joe?”

He heard her voice from upstairs. Joe picked up his backpack and headed to the steps. “Yeah?”

“Oh, good, you’re home,” she added in a hushed tone as not to wake Joe’s brother and sister. She stood at the top of the stairs in her pajamas as he made his way up. “I was worried about you.”

Joe nodded as he headed to his room. “I know, I’m sorry. The list came out later than we expected.”

“It’s okay,” his mother said, sitting down on his bed as he set his things down and took off his jacket. “How did it go?”

“I got a part. A pretty big one,” Joe told her with a smile.

She grinned. “Well, congratulations, sweetie. You’ve always been such a wonderful performer.”

Joe nodded, unsure of what to say. He wanted to gush about his big duet song. He wanted to tell her all about the scene he had alone onstage with Ben, professing their love and shutting out the world. But she didn’t know that Joe was… anything other than straight. He didn’t even know what he was yet. But he certainly wasn’t ready to tell her.

“I’m excited,” was all he would say for now. 

\---

Joe cranked out some homework as Rami and Lucy worked their number onstage. 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPqanXM9bQk)

“‘Cause you know,” Rami sang, putting everything he had into the notes. “I don’t do sadness. Not even a little bit. Just don’t need it in my life.”

Joe found himself tapping his foot to the clunky accompaniment recording, no matter how simple it was. Rami sounded great. Joe was bored. That was, at least, until Ben showed up. 

“Hey,” Ben whispered, slipping into the seat next to Joe. “So Mrs. Das told me that we should go in the hall and do a little work on Word.”

Joe looked up. “Word?”

“The Word Of Your Body Reprise? Our song?” 

“Right,” Joe nodded, feeling his face get red right away. “Sure.” He put his books away and followed Ben up the center aisle. He listened to Rami’s voice fade as he got farther and farther away from the stage. Inching closer to a moment alone with Ben. 

Joe followed him into the hallway. “What do you want to do?

Ben shrugged, sitting down against the wall. “Have you listened to it?”

Joe shook his head. He hadn’t.

Ben pulled out his phone. “Then let’s just listen to it and kinda… try to pause and sing little pieces, sound good?”

Joe sat down next to Ben, sinking against the wall as the nerves built in his stomach. “Sure.”

He felt so unsure.

But then the music started. Ben sang first, but for how he was quiet. The song was beautiful. 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVSRKJM7yNE)

'Come cream away the bliss.  
Travel the world within my lips.   
Fondle the pearl of your distant dreams.   
Haven’t you heard the word of your body?'

Ben smiled. He didn’t try to sing along. He just sat next to Joe, their knees barely touching, their backs against the wall, and he listened to the music. 

'Oh, you’re gonna be wounded.  
Oh, you’re gonna be my wound.  
Oh, you’re gonna bruise too.   
Oh, I’m gonna be your bruise.'

He listened to Joe’s quiet breathing and imagined singing this to him. He imagined them in their costumes, those navy blue school uniforms, with their hair gelled and the deep red lights illuminating them as they kissed. 

And he didn’t want to wait. 

He turned to the side, and in a moment of pure and unfeigned instinct... 

He kissed Joe.


	6. only hymns upon your lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sad boy hours

His name was Liam Bracks and he was the first boy that Joseph Mazzello ever kissed.

It hadn’t yet occurred to Joe that he was anything other that straight, but when he met Liam? There was a happy-sick feeling just wouldn’t go away. 

Joe was afraid of the happy part. 

Liam was eccentric, outgoing, not afraid to pull Joe into the bathroom during the homecoming dance and kiss him like crazy.

Joe melted. 

So many crushes faked on the girls that his friends thought were cute. So many lies about why he liked what he did. He wasn’t sure if anyone believed that he watched Game of Thrones for that dragon princess girl. There were still tape marks on his wall from the Jon Snow poster.

But now someone was taking all of the lying away.

That was the last time he had kissed someone until Ben.

He felt the happy-sick feeling again.

Joe leaned into the kiss, pressing his lips against those of the boy he’d been admiring. He gave his consciousness over to the glow in his chest as he felt Ben’s hands taking his waist. 

They pulled apart, Joe immediately looking down. He was ashamed and he didn’t know why.

“Hey,” Ben muttered, his hand slowly making its way up Joe’s side. “Was that…” 

Ben noticed the tears ever so slightly filling Joe’s eyes. “I shouldn’t have just-” He grabbed his friend’s hand. “Joe, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Joe urged him, shaking his head and looking up to meet Ben’s gaze. “It’s not your fault. That was…” He searched for the right word. He smiled.

“That was perfect.”

Ben chuckled and sunk back against the wall. “I’m glad, because that… god, that was dumb as shit on my part.”

Joe didn’t say anything. If Ben thought it was dumb, that meant that he regretted it. That it wasn’t what he had wanted it to be. He leaned back against the wall, next to Ben, and stayed quiet. 

“I mean-” Ben started to explain himself, but lost all sense of reasoning. “You…” 

Joe felt the tears coming back and he had no clue why. All of a sudden, he felt sick to his stomach as he felt a sob in his throat. 

Ben noticed and took Joe’s hand again, turning to look at him. “Are you alright?”

Joe shook his head as a tear escaped onto his cheek. He wasn’t alright. He turned to face Ben, wanting to articulate what he was feeling, but he just couldn’t. As soon as he opened his mouth, he choked on his words and started to cry. 

“Shit, Joe,” Ben mumbled, swiftly wrapping his arms around him, letting Joe’s head rest on his shoulder. “Hey…” He ran his fingers up and down Joe’s back as he cried. Joe didn’t make any noise when he cried. He just trembled in Ben’s arms. 

“Can you breathe with me?” Ben shifted to that his back was against the wall and he could let Joe put all of his weight on him. “In for four?”

He heard Joe take a deep breath, but let it out quickly with another silent sob. 

“In for four, I’ll do it with you.” 

Ben took a long inhale and listened while Joe did the same. In and out. In and out. In and out until Joe cleared his throat and pulled away. He sat across from Ben on the tile and put his head in his hands. 

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

“Don’t say that,” Ben urged him, putting a hand on his knee. “This is all my fault.”

Joe shook his head. “It’s not, you just…” He sighed, taking a deep breath and looking up at Ben. “I want… I want to tell you about my old school.”

Ben sat up. “Oh… okay,” he agreed, remembering how defensive Joe had been about it before. 

But now he was ready to tell Ben about it. He fiddled with the cuff on his sweatshirt as he began. “Okay, so… t-there was this kid.” Joe could already feel himself getting choked up again, but then he felt something else. 

Ben’s hand on his forehead, brushing the hair out of his eyes, fingers lingering on his jaw a moment longer than they needed to.

Joe scooted closer. 

“There was this kid. He… kissed me at homecoming and I liked it. L-Loved it. And just- I mean… that was scary,” Joe confided. “I didn’t know what to make of it… I didn’t want to be gay.”

Ben took his hand as he continued. 

“We went out a couple of times before I really felt sure that… I- I liked him. Actually liked him as... more than a friend. And I didn’t know what to do, so I… god, I… I told people that I thought I could trust.”

He stopped, feeling the tears returning. He powered through. 

“Big surprise, they told people. I couldn’t come to school after that without getting… just getting called a fag and stuff.”

Ben sighed. “Joe, that’s… I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Joe assured him. “You didn’t do anything, I’m just… I don’t know how to trust people with… I don’t know, with myself.” He shrugged, sniffling. Ben wrapped him in another hug. 

Joe sighed happily, tentatively leaning against him, arms around broad shoulders, hands in soft blonde hair.

Ben smelled like mint and home.


End file.
